How To Win Back Lost Love

If you've had a break-up, you're probably either trying to figure out how to get over the person, or how to win back lost love.

Neither is very easy, but most people fall to one or the other, with only very few able to move on quickly without pining or wishing things could be different.

You should really think hard about the relationship and your ex before you do anything.  Think about how things were and how they will be now.

Try to be as unbiased as you can.  You might decide that the break-up really isn't a bad idea.  

If you decide to try to win back lost love, the first step is to apologize.  You might think you've done this.  You might have said you were sorry several times.  But if your ex thought you were apologizing just to stop a break-up, he or she might not think the apology was sincere.

If you were the one who did something that you need to apologize for, apologize again.  Now they might think the apology is sincere, because nothing hinges on it.

If the relationship has ended, you won't be saying it only to save it but they will believe that you really mean it.  (And hopefully, you do.)

When your ex was the one who did something worth apologizing for, then rather than try to get a sincere apology from them, forgive them.

You may never forget, especially if your break-up was because of cheating, but you must learn to forgive.  Forgiving is much harder for some of us than merely saying, "I forgive you," though, so you might want to read a book or two on forgiveness and how to really mean it.

If you want to win back lost love, this step will help you do it.  And it can help prevent problems in the future, too.

If you do succeed and you win back lost love, 3 or 6 or 9 months into the newly patched relationship, old issues might come up.  If you haven't forgiven the person for whatever was done to break up the relationship, then you might have a hard time getting past everything.

Old wounds would be reopened and it's likely that hurtful things would be said.    But if you can truly forgive the person, then there won't be any need to rehash the past.  While you're working on forgiving him or her for whatever happened to cause the break up, forgive them for the break up itself and you'll save yourself lots of grief down the road.   

Also, as mentioned in The Magic Of Making Up, to win back lost love, show the person the "you" they fell in love with, not the "you" that has been dumped.  They were with you because you have certain qualities—kindness, thoughtfulness—not because you're angry, jealous or hurt.

While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best "you" you can possibly be and you may win back lost love by reminding them why they loved you in the first place.

7 Steps on How to Save a Relationship

Jim works long hours and Lisbet doesn’t feel he is there for her.  Lisbet spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs?  Can this relationship be saved?  Should it be saved?  Here’s how to save a relationship.

First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving.  While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work.  Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children.  But that is not enough.  How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.

Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself. 

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem.  For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship. 

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. 

Is your relationship worth saving?  If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.

Don’t Do This If You’re Wondering “What Should I Do To Get My Ex Back?”

A break up with your lover can certainly be an extremely painful experience. It can be so sad, depressing and hurtful. And you start to miss your ex so much! Nothing makes sense anymore. And then, maybe after a few days, a question arises from the depths of your heart – “What should I do to get my ex back?”

As soon as you look outside for an answer to the question “What should I do to get my ex back?”, you’ll find a world of books, tutorials, websites, blogs, forums, etc, devoted to the topic of ways to get an ex back.

Yes, it certainly can be overwhelming. There’s so much information out there. But, even at the end of it, you’re left wondering: “What should I do to get my ex back?” So, instead of going into complications, why not just take some simple, practical action steps that will much bring you closer to getting your ex back?

Well, let me tell you some of the things you SHOULDN’T do:

DO NOT make any pretence about your feelings. After a breakup, many people get tempted to act as if it doesn’t make any difference to them. Or, in reverse, they pretend to be absolutely shattered. They think that, by doing this, they are affecting their ex in some way. But nothing can be further from the truth.

Playing tricks, putting on an appearance and lying to the other person will do absolutely no good to you in the coming days.

DO NOT make the other common mistake – pretending to be dating, or in love with, someone else. Many gullible heartbroken lovers fall for this ploy to make the ex jealous. They have a futile hope that jealousy will pull the ex back to them.

This might succeed once in a while. But, most of the time, it backfires and makes the breakup permanent. And, worst of all, you won’t know whether this ploy will work until it’s too late!

DO NOT let your anger get the better of you, and make you behave in a hostile or violent manner. After all, you’re asking yourself “What should I do to get my ex back?” So, despite your hurt and anger, just keep yourself like the lover your ex would actually want to come back to.